siblings

Nicole, pouring water on Troy's head as he sleeps...

Growing up, we have to put up with our siblings.  We have to endure whatever form of torture they feel like submitting us to.  I was teased relentlessley, left out, manipulated... Just like every other kid.  I sometimes thought that I must have been adopted, and that the real family that loved me, would show up any day to get me and we would live happily ever after.   I am sure every single one of my siblings felt the same way at one time.   We had fun together too.  I loook back on some of the chores that were done together as the best times of my life.   Now that all of us are grown up, and I get to see who my siblings really are, I am amazed at the amazing people I grew up with.  I know Jared feels the same way.  Some of our brothers and sisters are fighting off huge dragons everyday.  We watch them go through what is happening to them, and what has happened to them with awe.  Each of them have great courage, and strength, and it is amazing to see people that we already thought were great become even better through their hard times.  I am so glad for each one of mine and Jared's sibblings, and want them to know that we do notice your courage and admire your ability to smile against the odds.  Thank you for being our family!  

Questionable Therapy

As a preface...  I am posting this at the urging of Jared, it is not my idea. 

We have alot of therapists come to our home.  Today the vision specialist who comes three times a month needed to bring her professor for an evaluation  to get her Master's degree.  Usually these vision therapy sessions include stories, looking in the mirror, and playing with different textures, sizes, shapes colors at different distances to help strengthen Israel's eyes.   Today's session was much the same, except for the addition of the visiting proffessor.    The therapist and professor each, in turn brought different toys out of their bags, let Izzy play with them , wrote down the response.  The therapist pulls out metallic tissue paper, Izzy loved it....  Blah Blah... Until.... the professor pulls out... a vibrator.  I don't mean a toy that vibrates.  I mean a full blown adult novelty toy.  She says to my baby... "this is a vibrator!"   Then she turns it on, and hands it to him.  I was so shocked.  The therapist eyes about popped out of her head.  She kept trying to look at me to see my reaction, but I was fluctuating between asking if I was on candid camera, asking her what in the world she was thinking, and laughing my head off.  I just focused on Izzy's face, and hoped she would put it away soon.   As my son played with it she asked me, " do you ever let him play with a vibrator?  You should! "   What on earth!  NO! I just said... no, not really.    After a minute or so... I got my wish because it stopped working.   She said, " oh, it should be working, it was working just a little while ago!"  Once again.  I just looked straight forward.  

Lake Powell

Jensen, Monique catching some air,and little Izzy

For the fourth of July my side of the family always goes down to Lake Powell.  This year Jared had to work, so I was a single parent!  It was pretty tough till my niece Monique and  her friend Kiley got there!  They were great!  We had so much fun, and Jensen LOVED being with his cousins.   He was so brave, I think he would have tried wakeboarding if I let him. He rode on the tube, and the water weenie and spent every second he could building things in the sand.  When we had a skier out he would yell instructions to them  everytime the boat came back around.  Israel was very patient, and liked to swim, but mostly he liked all the loves and snuggles he got 

Triathalons!

  Finish Line in Sandy
    Jensen up early to watch daddy
    Jared, Ben, Jeanie(go girls!), Phil and Chris
   Chris, Ben, Jared and Phil
In the spring Jared's brother Ben told him that he was doing a triathalon, and asked if he wanted to too.  Jared told me he was doing it... and I have to admit I thought that he would probably back out, or his enthusiasm would fizzle out or if he did it, it might not end well.  That is a pretty intense work out!  I am so proud of him!  He ran, biked or swam almost every day during the spring and summer!   He did the Logan triathalon, and did so great!  (I would have made it about 100 ft. running, and drowned swimming.)    Then he did the Sandy triathalon too!  He lost about thirty pounds and feels so much better now!  He doesn't feel right about his day now if he doesn't get a workout.  Way to go Jared and the triathalon-ing Casey's!

Grandpa, Jensen and Tanner

Counting Blessings

I feel like in the last six months or so, my eyes have been opened for the first time. I have never been so aware of the beauty of the world, and the people around me.  I have never really thought much about the great things that happen to me everyday.   Lately  I have realized that the ordinary things, are some of the most beautiful things.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband,and the example he is to me everyday.   I am thankful that I am able to stay home with our great kids and watch and help them grow.  Having them in our home is like being able to see right into Heaven.  I have said before that some people said that they were sorry when Israel was born.  Some people might look  at a child with special needs as a hardship.  It is different than having a baby that doesn't need the extra attention.  It might even be harder. However, every second of hardship is outweighed by an hour of pleasure.  I am so thankful we were given the opportunity to raise him.  I am thankful for my family and Jared's family, and the unconditional supportive love they give us.  I am thankful that my sons have a grandpa on both sides. and the amazing men they both are. (Their grandmas are pretty amazing too.)   Now for the surprise.  I was talking to a friend the other day about my MS, and I realized that I was thankful for it.  It is a blessing in disguise.   I think it is the reason that I am becoming aware of all my blessings.  I never know when I won't feel good.   I never know if the next day will bring a relapse with new symptoms, or what will be happening, and so I see the world for the joy it holds  now.  That has been an amazing change in my life. I am so thankful for the sun that shines, the chance that I have to wipe a dirty face, change a diaper, or deal with a temper tantrum.   It is crazy to think that being able to do those things means so much to me, but it is amazing how wonderful even the most mundane task can seem when you don't know what your tomorrow holds.  Another blessing that has come from my MS is how many amazing people have been there for me.  There are nurses that have spent much longer than would seem normal talking to me, and actually caring about me.  One nurse  told me she would pray for me while I was getting an MRI because I was so afraid (claustrophobia).  Another one worked for the whole time I was there to try to get my insurance figured out so I wouldn't have to do it myself  or pay out of pocket.  I am amazed by my niece and my mom and the willingness that they show, even with their busy lives  to help me, and tend and love our kids.   Sometimes in this crazy world and all the news I think it is easy to see the bad.  Let me just tell you as someone who sees the world in a different light.  The world is so beautiful, and it is full of beautiful people, who are being an example to me and I am thankful I get to stay here for a while and learn from them. 

Woo Hoo!

I know there are some of you who have been waiting for an update on my health.   I randomly  lost conciseness one day while I was on the phone with my sister, and cut my lip open.  While allot of people knew that, no one knew why.  Including my neurologist.  I was referred to a cardiologist, and had to wear a heart monitor for the last month, and get an echo cardiogram.   I had no idea what the results were going to be for the past month, and it had me a little worried that my time was up and I had something terribly wrong with my heart.   I had the appointment with the cardiologist today... And he gave me a "clean bill of health as far as my heart is concerned."   I am so so thankful!  I think the whole thing might of had something to do with my MS, and have talked to a couple other people with MS who have had the same thing happen.  It's a crazy disease... who knows.  As for now I am just thankful to be able to stay and live with my wonderful family, and I am not going to worry anymore  about what happened.   Thank you to everyone for all your help and prayers! 

brothers

Our little boys are the best.  When I was pregnant with Israel, even in the very beginning Jensen would always fall asleep cuddling my tummy.  Now that Israel is here, Jensen has to be holding  Israel's hand to fall asleep, even for his naps, or when  they are riding in thier car seats next to eachother.  Izzy looks at Jensen different than anyone else.  I love it!   I love the  special bond that they have!    I  think when they were up in Heaven waiting to come down they were the best of friends, and they decided they wanted to be brothers.    Jensen knew that Israel would be special, and wanted to be the one to be his friend and brother and help him through his struggles.   In turn the spirit Izzy has to offer will help Jensen through his struggles.   I know as they grow up there will be times when Jensen has a hard time accepting that his brother is different than other kids, but  I love how it is right now.   Their souls are still so pure while they are so little, that feel like we have a window to how it was before they came here.     I am so thankful for my sweet little boys!

The Good Life

Izzy getting loved by his cousin, Monica Casey

We just came home from Jared's parent's for the day, and  I am overwhelmed by the blessings that we have!  I have been blessed with such a great family for in-laws.  I am truly thankful for  all of them, and I count them as one of my greatest blessings.   I think lately I have been faced with the idea of my mortality, and it has had us counting our blessings.  We wake up every day in one of the most beautiful places in  the world, surrounded by great people who are striving to be their best.  We have great families and beautiful children. The biggest blessing of all, and the one that I have been  struck by lately, is that we have a Father who loves us.   I think that is so amazing!  It has been a constant thought in my head...   No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets, no matter where  we are, He loves us.   Not just me and my family, but everyone!  It makes you think differently about someone (the crazy neighbor or the person who is annoying or whoever) when you think about how much they are loved by our Father in Heaven!      I am so glad that I know this.  It makes every day better.  Life is Easier when I know that life might be really hard, but Heavenly Father loves us and will help us through.    We also just wanted to say.....Thank you so much to each of our family and friends for being such a great blessing in our lives!  We love you, and are so thankful for the people that you are!

Funny kid

 Jensen pretending to be a pizza

This is kind of a stupid thing to put in,  especially when we need an update so badly.  But... all things in due time!   Today Jensen Israel and I went out to lunch with my sister Kristi.  As we were driving home, Jensen noticed that there was something brown on the bottom of one of his shoes.   He said, " Mom, I've got poop on my shoe!" then   "Kristi pooped on my shoe!"  Then, under his breath....  "Stinkin' Kristi." THAT KID KEEPS ME LAUGHING!!  (by the way, Kristi didn't poop on his shoe.  I think it was a horse.  ;)   

Izzy's First Word!

We have been working on sign language really hard with Israel, and it payed off!  At the beginning of the week Izzy signed mom, then he said Dada and did the sign for dad.    Now he does it all the time to get Jared.  It works!   Daddy won the first word competition this time!  (I lost last time too.  Jensen's first word was 'hey'.")    Daddy +1  Mommy +0

Light

 I had an epiphany today.  I have had random strangers comment on how positive I was with my recent situations.  I usually reply back with, " anyone would be doing this well."  I really beleived it, until today.  I had an interesting experience that made me change my thought process.   ..... I have had such a great life.  Especially now.  It is easy to see past the darkness of our trails and see the beauty in our lives.  Unless you misplace your light.   I think we each have our light, but we have to live life so it wants to be there.  There was some time in this week that I lost my light.  I got dragged into something I have spent my life trying to avoid, let some contention in...  and my light vanished.  The difference was as obvious to me as turning out a light switch.   Then it hit me.  The only reason I even make it from day to day, let alone smile, or be positive was because of the light.  It gives me power to go on and be positive and I 'd had it for so long I had taken it's prescence completley for granted.  I learned my light runs easily, and that I need it.   I HAVE TO live so that that light can stay with me,  or I won't make it.  It was so amazing the difference it made in my life, to see the light go out for a while.   Now... I have a challenge for you.  If you have chased your light away, go find it, and  invite it back.  Then see what you can do with the power your light gives you. 

St. George

                  

                                                                                                       

 At the beginning of the summer Jared surprised me by taking a week off of work.. We headed down to St. George to go visit John and Kristin Budge, my neice and have some fun in the sun.   It was great!   We stayed at their beautiful house. Kristin was so wonderful, and even put a cute basket with soap, shampoo and conditioner and you would get at a hotel.  Jensen was pretty sure he was in heaven with all the attention from Kristin and another guy around to play ball with.  He also loved to see my neice Amanda and get his hair cut.  (we even attempted to give him little blonde tips, but it didn't work.)   Israel was snuggled by Kristin the whole time.  He loved looking up at her and gooing little stories to her.  John is awesome.  Everywhere we went he would help carry the car seat (it is so heavy!)  or Jensen.    One of the nights we left the kids with Amanda, and John, Kristin Jared and I went to Tuacahan to see Les Mesirables.  We were on  the back row, which was the handicapped row, so there were two seats together, then a gap for a wheelchair, then the next chair. It looked so much like Jared and John were on a date! 

    Jared corrupted John and Kristin and taught them how to play Texas Hold 'Em. I have a sneaking suspision that next time, Jared will get schooled.    Thanks to the great Budges, for opening their home to us and our chaos!

Is he 17?

Jensen is throwing Jared and I for a loop.  He is two and a half.  The average two year old goes to bed between 8-10 I would think...   Jensen goes to bed  between 11:30 and 2.  I deprive him of his nap, but it does nothing.  He sleeps in till between 9-11 almost every morning.  Now, you might say, don't let him sleep in, right?   The child is COMATOSE.  No joke.  I walk in and out of his room, talk to him, play with his hair, I have even jumped on his bed.  All I get is a dirty look.    He has Jared and I wondering if he is really a seventeen year old masquerading as a two year old.  Another thing...    We got the back to school ad from Express, and it had a poster in it of some girls that were very pretty, but not very dressed...    He brought it to me and said    "these are pretty mom, I wanna see em.  I want em on my wall."    Great.  We thought we had a few years at least! He also LOVES roller coasters, or anything really fast and scary.  It all has us asking....  Exactly how old is our two year old?       Any words of advice?

Christine

The last few days of my hospital stay I had a roommate, named Christine.  She was about 45,   divorced and had six kids.  She had just had a giant HIGHLY cancerous tumor removed from her brain.  Because of the pain medication she was on,  she was kind of out of it and she couldn't help but show the true beauty of her soul.  She was positive but realistic about her grim prognosis.  She was truly focused on other people. Her children, her mom, the neighbor who needed a thank you card.  All of this in a time when most people would be cranky because of terrible pain, or depressed, or angry or a million other not so lovely emotions.  She was amazing, and she didn't even know it.  I don't know what happened to Christine after I left.  She may have already passed away, but I am so thankful for the example she was to me when she had no idea she was.  I hope that when my time comes, I could have learned enough and come far enough that my soul shines through as beautiful as Christine's did.

A Road Bump Called MS

Jared thought I needed to blog about my recent hospital stay, etc.   In the end of April we were spending the night at Jared's parents house.   Around eleven at night, my right leg went numb. I just thought it had fallen asleep and ignored it.  By 5 am my whole right side was numb.  I was pretty scared. We went to the emergency room on the way home that night, got a CT scan ( even though I said because of the radiation I would rather get an MRI)  and got sent home like they might have thought I was a little crazy.  They told me maybe it was a "weird migraine"and it should be gone in a few hours, but if anything else happened to come back in.  The next morning, my left foot went numb.  I was kinda worried, and so we headed back up to the Uof U hospital ER.   A really young Dr. Buchanan helped me.  I got an MRI and some blood work done.  After a lot of waiting he came back in.  I could tell he had bad news because he looked kind of pale, his whole demeanor changed.  I felt worse for him having to tell me about whatever was wrong with me, and watch my reaction than I did for me.  He told me that they thought I might have Multiple Sclerosis, because I had three lesions on my brain but they didn't know for sure what was going on.  The way he was acting I was really glad he was telling me that, and not that I was going to die but since they didn't know for sure what was happening I was still nervous.  Have you ever been to the emergency room, and have them send you home like you are crazy?  I hate that!  The other alternative is far worse though.  I was admitted into the ER observation unit for a spinal tap.  By this point most of my left side was numb as well as the right.  It was such a strange feeling and a scary place, that I asked Jared to stay me.  He is such a wonderful husband.  We crammed into the one tiny bed, and I spent most of the night listening to the woman next to me crying that she was going to die.  I was afraid one of the lesions would move over the part of my brain that controls breathing or my heart and I would just die.  So I stayed awake.  In the morning they told me that MS was the worse of the possibilities, and that it wouldn't kill me like that.   I felt much better, and thought I would get to go home since I had had the spinal tap, but they moved me up to the neurology ward and said they didn't know when I would get to go home.  I hate hospitals, and I hate being away from my family.  My mom was amazing.  Everyday she would pick my kids up from Jared before work, then just stay in my room with me and them.  I think that is the only reason I stayed sane.  Jared would come to see me at night after work and take the kids home and put them both in bed, then call me to say goodnight and tell me everything was okay.  I am so thankful for the wonderful people that I have as my family and that they would do all of that for me.  After almost a week in the hospital,(I offered to bake any Doctor that got me out of there ASAP a pie, they ALL failed) most of which was waiting and getting poked at 3 am for blood work, they sent me home with a diagnoses of "possible MS."  Then we went to San Diego, my symptoms got worse, and I was able to get back into the neurologist as soon as we got back.  On May 16, I was officially diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS. Basically, my immune system broke somehow, and stared attacking the lining of the nerves in my brain and spinal cord.  It makes little sores, they heal into scars called Sclerosis.  They can be anywhere on the brain or spinal cord, so symptoms vary.  For now, my symptoms have been numbness , sometimes from the neck down, fatigue and a shocking sensation when I look down.  At this very moment I feel great. I get tired, and the shocking is still there, but I'm not numb... We'll see what happens next!  I have started treatment (shots 3 times a week) and it could stop any further progression.  I think I have never appreciated life, my family and loved ones so much.  They have shown me how supportive and wonderful they can be, and I am so glad I have them to go through life with.  The most beautiful roads I have travelled on were not paved.  They were bumpy and dusty.  If you focus on the bumps, you won't see the beautiful mountain scene in front of you. I think life is the same way.  One of my bumps is MS, but Life is beautiful, and we are going to keep living and enjoying life's beauty, and keep walking over the bumps.

Baby Israel

I was very nervous that with my due date so close to Christmas, (January 3)   I would have Israel on Christmas.  I was so worried about it I think, that I programmed my body to do exactally that. I was in labor for most of the later part of Christmas Eve.   Jared and I left Jensen with my Neices Monique and Amanda and headed to the hospital.   Israel was born at 5:04 Christmas morning.  He had some trouble breathing, so I only got to hold him for a second before they took him.  As I looked into his little eyes,  I thought he looked like he might have down syndrome, and as Jared went with him down to the nursery, he thought the same thing.   When he was two weeks old, the lab work came back and we found out he does have down syndrome.  I thought only older moms have babies with DS, so it was a little bit of a shock.  Because 40% of all babies with down syndrome are born with major heart defects he had his heart screened.  They found a hole, but said there was a possibility of it closing up, and we would watch it.  At his six month check up with the pediatric cardiologist, we found out his heart is PERFECT.  Totally normal.  What a blessing!  Israel is the light of all of our lives.  Jensen holds his little hand whenever he gets the chance.  His smile could change the world.  He loves to babble squeak and smile.  At his last checkup with the lady who evaluates how he is doing, she said that in her career she has never seen a baby with DS doing so well.  I am so glad we have him.  Someone said that they were sorry that I didn't have a "normal " baby.  We wouldn't switch him for "normal" in a million years.  We know that it may be harder, and we might have some extra challenges, but the light of his spirit outweighs all of that.  By far.     

Winner's Circle in San Diego

Last year Jared was the top salesman in Utah for T-mobile, so they sent us to San Diego for free!  We decided to make a family affair of it and brought along Jensen, Israel, and  my mom (for a babysitter.)    We stayed at the Hotel del Coronado.  It  was so beautiful!  You would think that California would be warmer than Utah in May, but it was about fifty to seventy degrees the whole time!  We were freezing!  Jensen didn't seem to notice though and was running in and out of the waves.  Every day he would say,  "I wanna go ocean!"     On  one of the nights there was a big formal banquet.  ( It was the very first time I have ever worn a cocktail dress!)  We got to eat shrimp and fillet Mignon, and then we were entertained by the one and only Jay Leno.  He was hilarious!  We were only about twenty feet away from the stage.  After Jay Leno was done they had a big clap fest awards ceremony.  They did a big video presentation about the top salesman in the country.  His name was Yuri and he was a twenty year old Israeli national that lived in New York City.  He sold more blackberries by himself than the rest of T- mobiles salesmen put together!  About two minutes after Yuri came off the stage, and sat down, he collapsed and  died.  Crazy!  He just dropped dead.   They tried to revive him, but he never came around.  It kind of makes you think....   It was a very somber experience.   We came right back to our room and prayed for him and his family.   I had only  been home from the hospital for one day before we left to San Diego,  and that had made us thankful for every second of life we get to live, and after seeing that, we were even more thankful.  We have to put the kids in bed now, we'll have  more later on this trip!    

Memory Lane...

I stole this from a friend's blog so please play along if you want to. I"m excited to hear the memories that you all have of me.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Entering the World of Blogging

I never thought I'd have a blog, but here I am! I'm just getting started, but I hope that this can be a good way to keep in touch with friends and family. Stay tuned for lots of funny stories and cute pics! In the mean time, here's an adorable picture of Jensen with baby Israel. It's hard to believe that Israel is already 6 months old!!